This post is long overdue. If you had visited this site already, you may have noticed my last post was made in October, exactly 5 months ago. There have been many movements within myself during this time, and a number of energetic shifts that had been percolating within myself is now resulting in a strong desire for outward expression.
For the longest time I held myself back from writing, from expressing myself, because of this little thing we called Fear. Fear of judgement, of rejection, and that what I felt was of value to myself was not of value to others.
I’ve come a long way since then, and am realising that it isn’t about the content itself, the verbiage, vernacular used, or how well it may rank on a search engine, but if it comes from that place within: the Heart.
My Heart has been singing, and there is a longing to release my inner song to the world. For years I drowned out that singing with the mental chatter of the mind, as so many of us do. Afraid that if we followed our Hearts desires, that we would drown within the fears and conditioning that had been gifted to us by Society.
There is a place within that resides on a domain that might not be what we consider ‘physical’. Some consider this to be the Soul. A part of the Self that primarily resides on a different frequency, wavelength, and at an alternate state of awareness. This aspect of ourselves is Multidimensional, exists on a higher frequency domain, and is always speaking to us.
It speaks the language of the non-physical. It speaks in Inspiration, passion, excitement, and delivers a sense of curiosity or pull to things that would ordinarily make no sense when taking into sole consideration one’s own upbringing and background. It delivers it’s messages through dreams, both literal and metaphorical, and can be met in the realms of Imagination.
What do you dream of? What have you seen within your imagination? What have you felt calls you? Are you seemingly stuck in a 9-5 job, working for a corporation that seems to drain your life, as opposed to enhancing it?
There is no judgement in this, for it is a path I walked and was needed for many years. I worked a career in Software, but unlike many of us, loved my job and what I did. I was one of the ‘lucky’ ones, working for a company with beautiful individuals, being able to solve new and exciting challenges every single day, and being paid handsomely in the process.
And yet I left it all behind last year. On the face of it, there was no logical reason for me to do so, however on the inside, nothing else in the world made more sense. I quit my job of 5 years in early 2020 and followed the call of my Inner Song. The music of this song played through the medium of inspiration, and an insatiable curiosity to explore freedom and life itself.
Being a Software Engineer, I had (and still do) a strong analytical mind. That mind was very resistant to this process, to following the call of a Song for which there were no music sheets or lyrics. I would be moving to Peru and would be volunteering at an Ayahuasca retreat center for 6 months, a place that was dear to me. It was a second home, and had facilitated much healing and transformation within, but beyond that there were no plans.
I would be throwing caution to the wind, jumping off a cliff, and trusting life in it’s infinite wisdom held a safety net for me. Little did I know that the abyss I would be jumping into was actually the boundless depths of my own Soul.
Two weeks after I left England to move to the Peruvian Amazon did the Coronavirus take stage and force the world into lockdown. It was March 2020, and while there was seeming chaos in the world, I found myself ‘stranded’ in one of the most beautiful places in the world, surrounded by nature, and insulated from the ensuing madness that was 2020.
Life had couched me in it’s embrace and had given me a safety net. One I didn’t even realise I needed.
My 2020 was beautiful. It was filled with much learning, growth and challenges, through which all could be explored within a safe container. While many were in lockdown within their homes, I had access to vast swathes of nature. While many were fighting over toilet paper and essential food, I had access to abundant fresh foods and essential items on a daily basis. While many were fearful and grew distant from each other, I was filled with joy and was able to connect with others more deeply than ever before.
I do not mean for this to be portrayed in an egotistical way (though our perception is always a choice), but I trusted in life, and life held me. I realise that life is myself in motion; it is simply the external reflection of my own inner world, and of my own creation on higher dimensional levels of which I am not wholly aware from my current ‘I’ focus.
We all create our lives at all times; a common theme espoused in spiritual circles, yet one that takes on various levels of knowing depending on ones level of experiential awareness. Our lives are the result of choices made on many different levels of our being, and perfectly reflects to us what may be needed at any given time. We can of course also experience the idea of being a victim and seemingly relieve ourselves of our response-ability; this is also a choice, and there is no judgement in this. Judgement is also a choice.
Victimhood is a game many play, and one I chose for many years. As I move into true Personhood and begin to align more with my inner Self, so does that which does not align is released. This is the work – to allow the embedded ideas and beliefs that cause resistance to be purged from the system. It is one that I enjoy on deeper levels of my being, and more recently has become something I also enjoy on the level of my conscious waking self.
Are you playing the role of a victim in your life? Are there stories and themes that continue to play out time and time again? Does it seem as if life is out to get you? If so, then I implore you to truly look at your beliefs with honest self reflection and ask yourself why this is the case. And most importantly, to not be afraid of the answer, in whatever matter or form it may appear.
Release your Inner Song. Do not be afraid of your inner calling, for it beckons you to a place beyond your wildest imaginations.
I am on this journey of allowing my Inner Song to be sung through my being. The lyrics, tones, or rhythms I do not know, for it is expressed in the moment.
And the present moment is all there is.
This may all seem cryptic to the mind, and that’s ok. In all honesty, I tried for the longest time to intellectually construct content that would appeal to the reader, but it got tiring fast. Now I realise that I simply needed to write for myself all along, and speak Heart to Heart. It is my passion, and not my job. The beauty is that those who need to read this will find this, through the inner energetic movements that connect us in the Infinite Oneness of which we are all a part.
I love you. Let’s sing together.